What motivates someone to listen to another person? Understanding this question will help you work toward more effective listening in your own marriage or relationship.
1. Clear message, favorable outcome
Clearly communicating your needs is the foundation of effective communication and a healthy relationship. Marriage counselors often focus on improving a couples communication skills; a breakdown in communication often leads to significant marriage and relationship problems.
Unfortunately, many couples have discovered that clearly communicating their needs, while necessary, doesnt always work out as planned. Unless, of course, you found that mythic creature, the altruistic listenerthe kind of listener depicted in romance novels and films. The altruistic listener hears a message once and responds as you hoped. Hes always responsive, is interested and concerned about you and therefore interested in what you have to say. (If you find such a person, you may want to grab on tightly and not let go.)
Most of us end up in a marriage or relationship with the sluggish, self-absorbed listener (SSL). They really do mean well. But theyre overworked, overextended, overwhelmed, and, like most of us, have their own emotional baggage to sort out. When communicating with an SSL, sometimes sending a clear message leads to a favorable outcome (what you hoped for); at other times, it doesnt. Thats why other communication methods are often needed.
No matter who the listener is, you should never abandon the clear message principle.
2. Give a little, get a little
This is the carrot-at-the-end-of-the-stick communication. This type of give and take is a natural part of any relationship. This communication approach is effective for two reasons:
First, it shows your partner that you are a giving person and this may stir his/her own desire to give back (giving is often contagious);
Second, this type of communication underscores the importance of fairness and compromise in relationships. For example, saying, m running out to buy us dinner, can you straighten up the house a little until I get back? implies that it would only be fair that your partner do his part since you are taking the time and effort to get dinner.
You can rely more heavily on this approach when its apparent that your spouse/partner needs some incentive (a nudge) to put on his/her best listening ears and get his sluggish self in high gear.
3. A little appreciation goes a long way
Despite the complexities of the human mind, many of us respond like Golden Retrievers when it comes to receiving a little praise. In other words, when you make your husband feel good about something hes done, you increase the likelihood that he will repeat that behavior.
Parents do this all the time with children and you may already do this instinctively. For instance, your husband cuts the lawn and you say, Wow, the lawn looks great! In that simple statement you showed gratitude for the job he didand gratitude will make him feel appreciated (which, in turn, will make him more likely to mow the lawn next time).
Compare this kind of appreciation to no feedback or saying something like, Good thing you finally cut the lawn, it was looking like a jungle out there. In this instance, youre highlighting the negativeessentially the message is that he should cut the grass and his laziness made the grass look terrible. But when you comment on a job well done, youve made him feel appreciated, thereby reinforcing his grass-cutting behavior.
Its human nature to feel good about yourself when someone you care about shows gratitude for something youve done. You can never heap too much gratitude and thanks onto your spouse/partnerunless, of course, its insincere. For many couples, danger lies in not showing enough appreciation because theyve come to expect certain things from one another.
A little praise goes a long way in getting someone to listen.
4. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar
I cannot emphasize this point enough: The way in which you say something (how you package your message) can make all the difference in whether your words get through to your partner (and have the intended impact) or end up unheard, gathering dust in his mental spam-filter.
As the speaker, your top priority is to have your words heard, to prevent the listener from becoming defensive or tuning out. Ultimately, you want your message to impact the listener in such a way that s/he has been alerted of your needs and motivated to follow through and meet your needs.
Example of Vinegar:
t you see Im up to my elbows in this mess? Dont you think of anybody but yourself? At least take out the garbage!
Example of Honey:
Life is so much easier when you help out. Can you take out the garbage?
Its usually best to use the honey approach or the appreciation approach when trying to get your message across to your spouse/partner.
5. The Reprimand (aka: The slap on the wrist)
If youre like most people, once in a while you will say and do something that is upsetting to your partner, and your partner will do the same (youre only human, after all); when this occurs it may be important to address the troubling issuewith the goal of stopping your partner from repeating the upsetting behavior.
But what if youve told him several times to stop a certain unwanted behavior (for example, to stop joking about your new hairstyle), yet despite your best efforts, he continues on this insensitive path?
Hopefully it wont get to this point, but there will be times that youll have to up the communication ante and be more forceful. In these instances, your partner may need to hear a firm, I asked you not to make fun of my hairs inappropriate and cruel! Stop it already! And you may find that you need to add something like, If you continue to say hurtful things, Ill have no choice but to see you less. (Admittedly, thats harder to follow through on if you live together)
As you can tell, The Reprimand packs an emotional punch to help get your point across.
Its best to use this approach when the other four communication methods described above fail to work (however, make sure you give them ample time). Having to rely too heavily on The Reprimand may indicate the existence of underlying relationship problems that need to be addressed in marriage or couples counseling.
If you automatically rely on The Reprimand (when it isnt necessarily warranted) to get what you want, take a few deep breaths and slow down. Begin adding the other methods to your communication repertoire and practice them until they become a natural part of your marriage or relationship. In doing so, you may find that the doors of mutual, effective communication are starting to open.
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We aim to bridge this gap with a communal sex tips community and mailing service whereby anyone can add a sex tip to the database. Each sex tip submitted should be adaptable to cater for Beginner couples, Randy couples and the Outrageously Naughty couples.
Anyone wanting to receive the naughty sex tips on a biweekly basis should join the Sex Toy Testers Sex Tips mailing list at the link at the bottom. A new sex tip will be emailed to you every fortnight on Friday, just in time to lives up your weekend.
The naughty sex tip will arrive with suggestions for all three categories, and you can choose which most appeals to you. Because one week you may like the beginners couples sex tip and a month later you may fancy trying an outrageously naughty sex tip and really have sex swinging from the chandelles! Pick and choose what ever takes your fancy, and if none appeal, write to us and tell us why and maybe submit a tip of your own.
The sex tips mailing service is completely free and you can unsubscribe at any time. The first sex tip will be sent out on Friday the 6th of January 2007, so spicing up your sex life could be your new years resolution. Why not sign up today, and while your about it, tell us a top trick that you and your lover used which really hotted up the moment and got you both going. Dont worry, we would never reveal your identity.
Get involved, receive free sex tips and spice up your sex life.
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Happy lesbian couples, real or imagined, give me false hope for a brief moment before I remember what my real dating life was like and what my real dating life would be like if I decided to start dating again. It's like the crash you get after eating sugar.
With the happy straight couples, it's bad but not as much. I can always run down the list of ways that it's easier for straight couples to be happy in our society, like...
1. No closet.
2. More choices for dates.
3. More places you can go to meet people.
4. More socially-acceptable outlets for dating. (Office dating is complicated enough if you're straight. You DON'T want to deal with office dating if you're not.)
The list goes on and gets even more bitter, but I think you get the point. So, how do I stop myself from exposing my poor sensitive self to unrealistically happy lesbian couples without boring myself half to death with nothing to watch or read (entertainment-wise) other than icky straight people stuff.
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Lately when ive been meeting up with her for the weekend I listen to music in my head to get myself excited like a school boy to see her. Robin Thickes When I Get You Alone is not only one of the songs that I listen to when I get ready to see her, but his video captures exactly how i feel which is riding a bike like a madman in the city and singing out loud about how i want to see her.
So this post and song is for all you people out there in relationships or dating someone and just cant wait to finish the work week to be with a loved one. Enjoy your weekend and take care.
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Rihanna always the performer spent her childhood dreaming of becoming a superstar, her life was not easy, her father was addicted to crack cocaine and she suffered from unbearable headaches as a child and after years of testing she was told it was due to stress.
Since becoming famous Rihanna has worked with many different charitable organizations raising money for cancer, AIDS, and UNICEF. She also created her own charity the Believe Foundation.
I think everyone is hoping that Rihanna comes out of this scandal a stronger women and will finally find the peace and happiness that she deserves.
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Mine is Audrey and his is Aaron. Yep, thats right, we BOTH go by our middle names.
How long have you been together?
Just about four years.
How long did you know each other before you started dating?
We met in 2004 when he joined my band and started dating in 2005, so a little less than a year.
Who asked whom out?
Neither one of us ever asked the other out. We were hang out/bar buddies aside from being in the band together and one night while hanging out at a show he turned to me and said Why dont you just kiss me already so I can get out of your car? So I did. The rest is history.
How old are each of you?
Im a cradle robber. Hes 27, Im 29.
Whose siblings do you see the most?
Mine. We see my sister pretty much every weekend. His whole family lives in Missouri.
Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
I have to deal with the fact that he is not an affectionate person and he has to deal with the fact that I am very emotional. Weve both done a pretty good job at learning to compromise, but its still an issue at times.
Did you go to the same school?
No, he grew up in Missouri, I grew up here in Southern California.
Are you from the same home town?
Nope. Or the same State or even time zone.
Who is smarter?
Aaron is much more book smart than I am when it comes to things like history and remembering dates and things. I possess a completely useless mental library of random facts and bits of information which can be amusing at parties, but not so much for the practical world.
Who is the most sensitive?
Yeah, I know, its me.
Where do you eat out most as a couple?
I would say our favorite restaurant is Original Mikes as it is the place we end up going on date nights most often.
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Well technically it would be Georgia, but since that was just a connection, the real answer is Ohio.
Who has the craziest exes?
I would say that were tied on this front. Both of us have people from our past that are a bit Off.
Who has the worst temper?
Aaron, hands down. That man has the ability to get upset about the most minute issue and turn it into a full blown arguement. Not to say that I cant be a total bitch at times, but for the most part, I stay more even headed than he does. Im 99% sure he is going to disagree with me about that though.
Who does the cooking?
If you asked Aaron, he would tell you that the answer to this is The Microwave.
Who is the neat-freak?
I am much more tidy than Aaron is. I hate it when dishes are not rinsed off and placed in the sink immediately after being used. Oh, and dont get me started about his piles of magazines in the bathrooms! UGH!
Who is more stubborn?
Oh were both vying for that blue ribbon.
Who hogs the bed?
I hog the blankets because I am always freezing cold, even in the middle of summer. Aaron however likes to roll around in his sleep and use me as a human pillow whenever possible.
Who wakes up earlier?
I do. He gets to sleep in for an extra half an hour while I get up and shower and such before work.
Where was your first date?
Well, as I mentioned earlier, we didnt really have one. But if you want to ask where we had our first kiss, then the answer would be the parking lot at Chain Reaction in Anaheim.
Who is more jealous?
I am. He claims that he gets jealous but that he just doesnt say anything out loud about it. I claim that I am not that jealous but cant seem to shut the hell up. Odd.
How long did it take to get serious?
Well for the first couple of months we were lying low so as not to tell our friends and create a big problem. Once we told our friends, we moved in together within a couple of weeks.
Who eats more?
Aaron does. It amazes me how much that man can eat and not get fat!
Who does the laundry?
I used to do all of the laundry. But then we had the great blue robe incident of 2005 where I accidentally turned all of his socks, underwear and under shirts baby blue and hes done his own laundry ever since.
Whos better with the computer?
He is. He claims that my body has the anti-force and that negativity shoots from my hands into any electronic device rendering it useless. He may be right.
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The public prosecutor of southern Andhra Pradesh state, Gangaraj Prasad, told the Financial Times: The number of employees at Satyam Computer stands at 40,000 and not 53,000 as claimed by the company.
Mr Prasad alleged the former Satyam founder had used the fictitious names to divert Rs200m ($4m) a month out of the companys accounts for his personal wealth, but where exactly the money was invested was not yet known. The prosecutors arguments were presented in support of a police application to extend judicial custody of Mr Raju for three more days while investigations were carried out. The judge agreed to grant the police another 24 hours until tonight.
My business partner D asked me this question this week-What do you think is the fallout of this? Isnt this bad for India? Trust me, this is one of the best things that has happened to India in recent times! Am not one of those inspirational optimist to say that there is a silver lining to every black cloud.
Let me tell you a small story. Few years back, I was looking for a job in US. I had two opportunities lined up. Both were fortune 500 companies.
Company D was ranked in the top 100 in terms of market capitalization(how much all their stocks in the markets are worth). It was a slow and steady company in small-town USA. Company D offered a conservative paycheck.
Company E was ranked in the top 10 fortune 500, was a fast growing company in Houston, USA. The top MBAs of the world were recruited. They offered excellent salary benefits. They were in more than 40 business enterprises.
To be nearer to family, I chose company E. I was not complaining about the salary either. On the first week of joining I had to take an ethics survey in the company. One question asked if my manager is ethical in dealing with my team members. Another question asked if your manager is ethical in dealing with the customers. All employees including managers had to take this test. I was overwhelmed by this gesture.
Few months after joining, rumors about the health of the company floated. Blah blah blahOne fine Dec morning, our director stood up on a table to more than 100 members in our department to announce that weve been laid off. The company did not have cash and its revenue stream is cutoff as it has been blacklisted by banks. Therefore it did not have cash to trade in the market.
The company was called Enron. And I was one of those souls laid off in the accounting scandal that rocked US businesses. What happened in Enron was not different from Satyam. The companies profits were falling. The CEO and CFO made up numbers to report in their balance sheet. When you show high profits in your balance sheet compared to last year, your stocks go up in value. When your stocks go up in value, stock holders(including CEO) become richer. The company gets more cash by selling stocks. So publicly traded companies are forced to hike up their numbers. You can call this a systemic structural flaw in publicly traded companies.(Its the reverse in privately traded companies. You show losses to avoid paying taxes).
Nearly 30000 employees were out of job and the Houston economy shook. So what did the wise men in Washington do about this systemic flaw. They acted.
Sarbanes-Oxley act was passed in the senate. The act enforced further solid rules in auditing. The law worked on independence of auditor reviewing accounts, legal responsibility of company executives and ensured that too much information/power did not rely on any specific individual in the company. For ex, one of the audit questions, I faced this year was-Did I know the password for all important systems. If the answer is yes, it raises a red flag and the password of some of the systems would be denied to me. This prevents one person, be he the CEO or a worker ant like me can not cheat even if we want to, without few others knowing about it. It is an check for internal check-balance within the organization.
So my American business partner asked me this question this week-What do you think is the fallout of this?
This is a initial wake up call to our government and our people. As expected we hit the snooze button and went back to sleep. Indian businesses including Tatas and Reliance are grown from mom-and-pop stores/family businesses. They have a strong family bonding and feel the company is owned by the family. Wrong!
The company is owned by the stock holders. On dec 29th, 2008 MSN India reported that Satyam Chairman Ramalinga Rajus family holds 8.61 per cent through SRSR Holdings. Even they lost some of it after they had pledged to some lenders. So effectively owned around 5%. How can a family that owns 5% of a company become the owners of the company and divert company funds to their personal gains? The reason is the rest 95% is not a empowered stock owners. For ex, a person with 100 stocks is not going to have any power in the decision of the companies. And there may be hundreds and hundreds of those small stock holders.
Coming from an old feudal-mindset, family business or agrarian backgrounds, many Indian business owners have not grasped the foundation of a publicly traded company.
Lesson 1
CEO is not the owner of the company. He is only an employee of the stockholders.
Lesson 2
Although you start the business with your fathers and uncles money, the money nor the company is yours after you start publicly trading the stocks. You are only one of the owners of the stock and that too a minuscule shareholder.
Lesson 3
Employees dont bring their kids into their office business. Similarly we dont expect the CEO to bring their mother/brothers/sons into the office business.
So why hasnt the smart Indian PM enforced stricter laws or audit. I bet at least a few of the family owned corporations will be caught with fingers in the cookie bowl, if we they audit the top 100 companies. The economy cant bear if two more companies are caught in a scam.
Mark my words Few other companies will be caught in future. Not by employees or auditors. But external institutional investors. And when this happens, the government will be forced to enforce a law to fix the loophole in corporate governance. And that will be the day individual stockholders and employees can rest peacefully in the night. And that will be the day, family owned businesses understand how corporations work..(until they figure out another loophole)
So I consider this the first wake up call towards better corporate governance and more importantly responsibility towards the employees and the society. Is this not an expensive and inhuman cost for a wake up call? Definitely! But do you see practically see the Indian governance juggernaut to be moved easily by small events! or the Indian corporates mend their acts easily..
NEWS UPDATE
Raju, who used to be on the 30-member governing council of the institute, will find his name in this prestigious business school as a case study in the curriculum from the next academic year for whatever went wrong in Satyam.
This will be a strong case study. You find that there was family interest in diversification; the family had huge growth ambition. Then you find the companys promoters apparently have shown lack of governance principles in terms of applying and seeing these are two different entities with multiple stakeholders, said K Ramachandran, Associate Dean, ISB.
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I guess this is a simplified version of how my Twanna Wants to Have an Orgasm flow chart works Id rather have good sex with a boyfriend. Lacking a boyfriend, I crave that mind-blowing, trusting, delicious and breathless sex that only comes from committed, one-night-hookups with male friends. (Fuck buddies.) If I dont have a fuck buddy, Ill pull out my vibrator. Got it? trumps fuck buddy trumps Not too long ago, it used to be: trumps random dude Im dating trumps fuck buddy trumps Ive stopped fucking random dates. Ive been dating a long time and Ive gone on so many dates that Ive noticed the sex usually isnt as good as I expect it to be. Ive had the fuck for fucks sake days. Its too easy, sometimes unexciting and usually unsatisfying. So, if the choice is between masturbating or having awkward sex with a stranger Ive only known for a date or two, Ill leave the dude with a kiss and pull out my vibrator when I get home. Because, that way, at least Im guaranteed an orgasm.
If you ever get sick of married life, I joked with a guy friend, remember this: not having sex with another person on a regular basis SUCKS. Ive been so horny in recent weeks its ridiculous. His response? You still think that marriage somehow guarantees regular sex? Let me pop that bubble its been 10 MONTHS or more (if not a year) for me. I forget what it feels like to enter a nice wet pussy This is not an offer, by the way.
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It is a sad predicament when time and time again couples divorce citing that they never really knew each other, and their personalities and existance clash. It is unfortunate that many people think that chemistry and sexual attraction alone is enough to support a marriage. Almost half of all marriages will end in break-up, and for the number of divorcees, the statistical probability that those new marriages will end in divorce is much greater. Much of this heartache can be avoided, however with 1000 questions for couples, michael webb, questions to ask your boyfriend, questions to ask your girlfriend. This groundbreaking new book can save most marriages by probing deep compatibility issues.
1000 questions for couples, michael webb, questions to ask your boyfriend, questions to ask your girlfriend is not like any relationship book ever released. It dares to ask the most sensitive and important questions for any love relationship, and also explores fun, get-to-know-you-better questions. Some dating or engaged couples spend a lot of money on pre-marriage counseling attempting to decide long term compatibility. This book, by Michael Webb does much more. Such counseling can be hit or miss, some important issues are discussed in detail, while others are ignored or missed altogether.
With 1000 questions for couples, michael webb, questions to ask your boyfriend, questions to ask your girlfriend hits 1000 questions about life, opinions and attitudes in 21 different categories, including: Personality, feelings and emotions, Pets, Health, food and well being, Communication, Morals, convictions and beliefs, sex, and children and having children. Michael Webb is an acclaimed, bestselling author of 13 books and has been featured on many television shows, including Oprah and the 700 Club. He has been featured in over 50 magazines and every major newspaper in the U.S., as well as numerous radio programs.
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2009 Top 10 Romantic Inns
MacCallum House Inn Restaurant in Mendocino, California offers wine tours escorted by a local guide in a stretch limo or Lincoln Town Car. An al fresco gourmet lunch is included at one of the vineyards. Other arrangements can be made for a romantic horseback ride on the beach, a picnic backpack hike to waterfalls, or a canoe ride up Big River. The Mendocino Lovers Getaway Package helps guests celebrate love with a Lovers' Basket full of generous treats.
Highland Haven Creekside Inn in Evergreen, Colorado boasts two Sweetheart Trees where lovers are allowed to carve their initials or have them professionally carved. There is also a Lover's Lane with pavers that line the walkway and stones that can be personalized with names, initials and dates. The Winter Wonderland Romance Tray is a gorgeous presentation for couples.
The Towers Bed Breakfast in Milford, Delaware is all about location. Peaceful and secluded in a small town on the Mispillion River, yet it is near popular Atlantic beaches to easily experience the seaside. Couples can also enjoy romantic strolls along the Riverwalk. This grand mansion is reminiscent of the Gilded Age and boasts an enclosed garden, private pool and deck area. Special requests for wine, flowers, etc. are accommodated to make each stay perfectly romantic.
Port d'Hiver Bed and Breakfast in Melbourne Beach, Florida features personalized yet unobtrusive concierge service amid a luxurious retreat on a little barrier island near the ocean and the river. Watch the sun rise and set over the water! Romance packages feature pampering items to create a romantic oasis. Select a spa basket with a gift certificate to Essentials Day Spa or an arranged VIP candlelit dinner at a local restaurant.
Carriage House at the Harbor in South Haven, Michigan has created a Romantic Escape Package with a complimentary room upgrade when available. Follow the trail of rose petals from your door into a private hideaway with soft music, candles, chilled champagne or sparkling cider, chocolate covered strawberries and a certificate for an intimate dinner for two at a local restaurant.
Fleur-de Lys Mansion in St. Louis, Missouri has an assortment of romantic packages to choose from. Take a horse-drawn carriage ride through Tower Grove Park, savor a sumptuous four-course fireside dinner and relax with in-room massages, chilled champagne and French crystal champagne flutes. Marriage proposals are popular on a bench in the garden by the pond with waterfalls.
The Edward Harris House Bed Breakfast Inn in Rochester, New York is known for its Play Your Way Packages which are tailored to the guests' desires. Elopement Packages are quite popular here, too, and include an officiate, witnesses, cake, flowers, sparkling cider or bring-your-own wine, as well as spending the honeymoon night and a leisurely breakfast in an elegant suite with late check-out.
The Inn Spa at Intercourse Village in Intercourse, Pennsylvania invites couples to escape everyday routines and experience the unique luxuries found at this inn. Besides the many wonderful packages that pamper and please, the inn features a French Country Spa with treatments for couples to share together. The secluded starlit gazebo with a fountain, low light and soft music is often appropriately called the Wedding Garden.
French Quarter Inn in Charleston, South Carolina is incredibly service-oriented and attuned to guests’ needs. They offer a variety of amenities and romantic packages designed for couples to select the items and activities they would like to have included. The inn is an enclave of luxury in the midst of the historic cobblestone streets of moon-lit Charleston.
Inn at Warner Hall in Gloucester, Virginia makes each couple's experience special and uniquely memorable. The Honeymoon and Anniversary Special is fun and exciting with a surprise Dating Game quiz and prizes. A Valentine's Weekend Dinner Dance includes the signature Chef's Tasting Dinner, bottle of wine or sparkling cider, chocolates, a bud vase of roses and live musical entertainment. Celebrate a special occasion with divine delicacies, and feel the bliss of massage and spa treatments at Bridgewater' s Salon and Spa.
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One Friday night after she refused my invitation for dinner and dancing because she needed to get her rest, I went online and perused the singles ads. I connected with someone who was really into stimulating conversation, going out, and basically living a varied life. I never told this person I lived with my girlfriend and somehow she found out and called her. My girlfriend moved out and didnt even shed a tear. I know she was hurt, but its just her way of expressing herself. We tried to reconcile, but the other girl would call and antagonize the situation with lies. I havent seen this girl since my girlfriend and I broke up. My girlfriend says she cant trust me and shes scared I will hurt her again.
Recently, I ended up in the hospital for an unrelated condition, and she was there for me. However, as soon as I left the hospital, she cut off ALL communication with me. My question: Is this relationship worth pursuing, and if so, how can I get her to understand that I love her and want to marry her. I do want to work things out, but I want us BOTH to make concessions to make each other happy. Thanks.
A
You can tell a lot by how someone tells a story. And what your story tells me is that you somehow think that your ex is to blame for the demise of the relationship. The focus of your letter is on what she did wrong – SHE spends too much time working out, SHE refused dinner and dancing, SHE moved out without crying, SHE cut off all communication with me.
Hey, buddy?
YOU cheated on her!
Now, because of the way you told the story, it’s impossible to tell what exactly was entailed during your infidelity. You seem to think that it doesn’t matter because your cold ex doesn’t know how to compromise. Well, I can tell you, my friend, the details of your Friday night excursion absolutely matter.
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With yesterdays announcement of both Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie being nominated for the Best Actor and Actress awards, respectively, at the Oscars next month, they have officially become the worlds most powerful power couple. Who are the other contenders to the throne? Herewith, a look at ten more Mr. and Mrs. Masters of the Universe.
10. Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith
They say Will is the only man in Hollywood who can open a film, and the Mrs., with roles inThe Matrix Revolutionsand Madagascar, also aint half bad. Add in the fact that their afroed whippersnapper has already won Nikolodean awards for his turn in dadPursuit of Happyness, and youve got a family to be feared. Even if they are Scientologists.
9. Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow
Coldplay have seen their star sink a bit, with Lil Wayne out-selling them and receiving more Grammy nominations, and Gwyneth is a way off from her Oscar peak with Shakespeare in Love. Still, good looks count, and even if they give theirlittle onesweird names like Apple, their cross-platformdominance is inspiring. Even if Martin sings like a girl.
8. Tony Parker and Eva Longoria
When the Desperate Housewife landed a San Antonio baller, they received tons of press because they flew a wedding cake to Paris in a first-class seat. Obviously, theres no recession for the French point guard and the actress who still hasnt been able to cut her teeth in film. Powerful? Sure. Even if shestill needs to learnhow to cross-over from her man.
7. Jack Layton and Olivia Chow
This couple of Canadian politicos had more juice when the coalition government still looked to have teeth, but even in the waning days of NDP power, the MP forTrinity-Spadina and the leader of Canadas third party are an arresting couple when they walk through Parliaments front door. Since Peter MacKayand Belinda had dog trouble that would blush Marley and Me, they became Canadas first politicalfamily with morejuice than Ocean Spray.
6. James Carville and Mary Matalin
The Raging Cajun and a Republican spin-meister? Straight out of Arianna Huffingtons dream book, these two must surely make entertaining dinner guests at Mortons in Washington D.C. As Obama-mania officially takes control of everything, who doesnt want to hear the excellently-named Mary Matalin knock him down? James Carville, thats who. Even if he looks like Mr. Clean and talks like Monty Hall.
5. Sacha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher
OK, so Russell Brand took a little heat away from Borat, but we think Sacha will be back in the news when theBruno filmis released this year. At the Golden Globes, he was cutting -- The recession is so bad Madonna had to lay offthe help. Guy Ritchieour condolences! -- while the Mrs. goes from role to lead role. Even if, so far, all of those roles have been duds.
4. Jay-Z and Beyonce
Jigga wore some Urkel glasses at the inauguration and still had the swagger to beam when his wife sang At Last as the Obamas danced like high school sweethearts at the prom. Beyonce has the numbertwo record right now in the country and Jay has both street cred and boardroom presence. Even when helooks likehe just raided Alfonso Ribeiros wardrobe.
3. Kate Winslet and Sam Mendes
Kate Winslet is sexier as a nazi in The Reader than Angelina Jolie is in Wanted as a tattooed assassin. That the Reader titilates is a testimony to Winslets do-everythingness on film, especially in a year when her husband turned her and Leo into a matrimonial nightmare in Revolutionary Road. The director and his leading lady are Hollywoods new power couple, even ifthey drew on their own relationship to make the decades biggest anti-marriage film.
2. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes
Never underestimate thepower of a freak. While Valkyrie tanked,Katie earned raveson Broadway, and Cruise was even better than Robert Downey, Jr.in Tropic Thunder, a movie we loved. Though it feels creepy having two groups of Scientologists on our top ten list, you gotta give them credit for Hollywood power. Even if their children look like aliens.
1. Barack and Michelle Obama
The dress! The dress! Oh my God, enoughabout the friggin dress!Barack Hussein Obama is the most captivating, inspiring public figuresince JFK, but its the ascension of Michelle that gives them that Brad and Angelina People magazine appeal. We love that the most powerful figure in the world listens to Jay-Z and plays basketball. Even if, just like the rest of us,he is still under the thumb of his wife.
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- Mood:bad
- Music:Sum 41
By Ty Wenger for Redbookmag.com
Photo: Ron Chapple
Updated: Jan 8, 2009
Lord knows this is not the sort of thing guys brag about. But I have a ridiculously happy relationship with my significant other. Really, it's almost disgusting.
We paw each other in public. We goof around like a pair of simpletons. We basically act like giddy newlyweds. Sometimes we'll do something so revolting, like sitting on the couch and drawing smiley faces on the bottoms of each other's feet, that we're forced to make gagging noises to maintain our dignity.
See, I told you it was disgusting.
It hasn't always been this way. In fact, I'm not ashamed to admit that our current bliss is the result of almost a year of counseling, a desperate effort undertaken several years ago, when we appeared destined for doom. What we learned then is something all happy couples eventually discover: A good relationship is a bit like a pet boa constrictor: either you feed it every day or bad things happen. Daily habits are extremely helpful in forging solid bonds, says couples therapist Tina Tessina, author of "How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free." "If you're really interested in making your relationship work, little rituals are a great way to do it."
We asked happy couples across the United States to tell us about relationship-strengthening solutions they've developed. Try your hand at incorporating a few into your daily life and maybe you can be as ridiculously, embarrassingly, revoltingly happy in relationship as I am.
Daily Habit #1: Talk to Each Other
Happily married couples typically say their relationships work better when they can sit down and gab one-on-one, like thinking, feeling adults. But who's got time for that? Actually, anybody who sleeps at night, if you follow the lead of Julie and Thom and their nightly visits to their "igloo."
"It all started one winter night years ago, when Julie had had a really bad day," says Thom, 33, a marketing director in Columbus, Ohio. "We were huddled under the covers of our bed, and Julie was describing how all the people who made her day miserable were 'bad polar bears' and how she didn't want any of the bad polar bears coming into the bedroom and how the bed was our refuge from them. You realize how embarrassing it is to admit this, right? Anyway, that's when we started calling the bed the igloo."
"The igloo is a place to retreat to," says Julie, 31. "It's our little sanctuary; only nice things happen in the igloo."
Eventually Julie and Thom began holding a powwow in the igloo at the end of every day, making a nightly excursion that Julie says has become a vital part of their five-year relationship.
"It's funny, because I always thought that when you lived with somebody, you'd automatically know everything that was going on," she says. "But we find that if we don't take that time to connect with each other, it's really easy for life to get in the way. The igloo offers one of the few times in the day where there's not a whole heck of a lot else going on, so you're able to focus on each other in a deeper way."
Daily Habit #2: Flirt
Most couples realize that getting intimate every night isn't possible, let alone a worthy goal. Indeed, a 1994 University of Chicago survey of Americans' physical intimacy habits found that only about a third of adults have physical intimacy more than once a week.
That doesn't mean, though, that you can't at least talk sensually every day, and that's the approach that Ed and Stephanie have taken in the more than six years they've been together.
"It's funny," says Ed, a 33-year-old San Francisco cab driver, "because we know plenty of couples who fight, a lot, about how often they have physical intimacy. The wife's upset because all he ever wants to do is get intimate. But this has never really been a problem with us, and I think it has a lot do with the fact that we're always talking sensually to each other."
"Absolutely," says Stephanie, a 32-year-old massage therapist. "We're always complimenting each other, tossing out fantasies, telling each other we're appealing. He gets to feel like he can have sensual feelings, and I feel like I don't have to have physical intimacy all the time to appear attractive.
Let's put it this way: The way I see it, physical intimacy is like chocolate cake. After five days of eating chocolate cake, even chocolate cake doesn't taste that great."
"Right," Ed says, "but after five days of talking about chocolate cake, that cake tastes really good."
Daily Habit #3: Get Stupid Together
Bob and Angie are ashamed to admit that the daily ritual that brings such joy to their 12-year marriage is none other than reality TV. That's right. They lived and died with "Survivor." They've adopted "Big Brother." "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" They do.
"Honestly, I think we just need to be dumb for a while," says Bob, 37, a shoe designer for Reebok in Boston. "We're both very into our careers. And when you're at work, with any job there's going to be a certain amount of professional stress. You like to come home sometimes and, for that lousy hour or whatever, kick back and relax."
Or as Angie, 36, a marketing executive, says, "Life is serious enough, isn't it? Sometimes you need to do something stupid. And if you can't be stupid with your husband, who can you be stupid with?"
Daily Habit #4: Declare Your Independence
So hold on, then: Is domestic joy found in partners smothering each other in obsessive daily rituals?
Hardly. In fact, Tessina says that sleepwalking through a series of hollow routines (although probably an apt description of your day job) is worse for your relationship than having no routines at all. The solution, she says, is to also make a daily habit of getting away from each other.
The point, naturally, is not to make space for each other in that I-can't-wait-to-get-away-from-you sort of way but to pursue your own hobbies and interests. It's a distinction that Joe tried hard to make to Lori during their delicate pre-engagement negotiations four years ago.
These days, Lori and Joe are practically poster children for the power of independence. Joe, who works for a nonprofit agency, spends his nights taking painting classes, building youth centers, and recording his guitar sessions. Lori, a college professor, spends hers directing community-theater musicals and indulging in trashy movies on cable television, a passion that Joe (go figure) doesn't seem to share.
"It all brings a freshness to our relationship because we both continue to grow as people," Joe says.
Daily Habit #5: Share a Spiritual Moment
In another University of Chicago survey, this one of married couples, 75 percent of the Americans who pray with their spouses reported that their marriages are "very happy" (compared to 57 percent of those who don't). Those who pray together are also more likely to say they respect each other and discuss their relationship together.
Not to say that prayer is a cure for all that ails you. But whether they're talking about a simple grace at dinnertime or some soul-searching meditation, couples routinely say that a shared spiritual life helps keep them close. And as Doug and Beth say, even couples who are on different sides of the theological fence can benefit from praying together daily.
"We have been married for seven years, but praying together is something we didn't start doing until about a year ago," says Doug, a 32-year-old Salt Lake City biochemist. "In the past, whenever we faced big decisions, we'd have discussion after discussion about them, but we'd never really come to a resolution."
"I soon found that praying together brings out a real sense of selflessness and humility," Doug says. "When you're praying for each other, not yourself, you're focused together and speaking from the heart on a whole different level. I would never have predicted this for us, but it really works."
"As bad as any problem may seem at that moment," agrees Beth, "prayer always helps us see beyond it. It doesn't have to be a long-drawn-out scripture reading, just a few minutes a day. When we pray, it brings another level of honesty to our conversations. I think it's the most intimate thing you can do with another person."
Now they pray together every night, once the "urchins" are in bed, which puts them in the company of the 32 percent of American married couples who say they pray together regularly. It also puts them in the company of Julie and Thom, when the other couple isn't holed up in their igloo, of course.
"It's pretty short and not at all scripted," says Julie about their giving thanks before each meal. "We just join hands and let it rip. Whether we're asking for forgiveness or giving thanks, saying it out loud holds a lot of power.
"Besides, regardless of religion or spiritual preference, I think that most marriages require a ton of faith," Julie sums up. "You've got to believe that somehow the two of you are going to make it through things. You've got to believe that you're being blessed with this person. And even if the power we feel just comes from the strength of our love, even if we don't believe that it's God who is helping us, I still think that it's good to acknowledge that there's a force between the two of us that's helping us out."
Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.
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- Mood:bad
- Music:Backstreet Boys
Christian Bale--Everyone thinks Christian's hot for his body and cheekbones, right? Well, we think he's hot for his upper lip, which curls up ever-so-slightly when he speaks.
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Talks Funny
Tobey Maguire--Tobey talks out of the side of his mouth. That makes him seem sly and sultry like he's got a dirty little secret that he's trying to share with us.
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Kinda Old
Sidney Poitier--He starred in "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" and made it just a little bit more okay for interracial couples to get it on. And that's pretty hot.
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Kinda Old
Robert DeNiro--Yesterday. Today. Always. We found him especially attractive as crazy Travis Bickel after he mohawked his head.
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Short Stacks
Mark Wahlberg--IMDB says Marky Mark is 5' 8-1/2", but we think that's a stretch. We've heard from Boston bartenders that Mr. Wahlberg's shoulders can't clear a high top. But that's okay, because being a wee bit short makes his neatly packed muscles appear even more muscular.
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Short Stacks
Elijah Wood--In real life, Elijah's a whopping 5'5". But in our fantasies, he will always be little Frodo Baggins of the Shire, hairy feet and all.
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Oversized Features
Adrien Brody--Oh, that nose pressed up against Halle Barry's cheek during their surprising Oscar night kiss. Since then, Adrien's nose has remained the embodiment of giddy, unabashed passion.
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Oversized Features
Jemaine Clement--His whole freaking face is huge, which always makes us wonder what kind of over-the-top sex expressions he's capable of producing.
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Makes Us Laugh
Elijah Wood--In real life, Elijah's a whopping 5'5". But in our fantasies, he will always be little Frodo Baggins of the Shire hairy feet and all.
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Makes Us Laugh
Sasha Baron Cohen--We love Baron Cohen as Ali G. But then again, we included Beavis and Butthead in our "Hottest Men of 1994" scrapbook. So that should explain it all, really.
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- Mood:Good
- Music:Russel Simins
In an interview with PD Shim Jung Ah on the 19th, The We Got Married New Year Special on the 25th will mark the debut of the 3 new couples who will experience the We Got Married experience for a day. We believe that this will inject some vitality to the show and make it more interesting for viewers. The segment where the 3 new couples will make their debut will be shown separately from the 3 existing couples in part 2 of MBC Sunday Sunday Night. According to PD Shim, the Jung Hyung Don - Tae Yeon couple is a direct replacement for the Crown J - Seo In Young couple who left last week.
As for JunJin - Lee Si Young and Shin Sung Rok - Kim Shin Young couples, the current plan for them is that they will only appear for the New Year Special.
So what about their concepts? Jung Hyung Don - Tae Yeon will not dive immediately into their make-believe marriage. Rather, they will be starting out with making decisions about getting married and their preparations for it. It will be kind of similar to Kangin - Lee Yoon Ji beginning. Thus Hyung Don - Tae Yeon will start their We Got Married experience with a Can We Get Married? concept. Some have pointed out that their concept is kind of obscure.
Newbie actress Lee Si Young who has had many experiences from her unique acting roles will make JunJin feel ridiculous and helpless. Their concept will be along the lines of a spin-off from a tv program called I Got Married With A Weird Person and will be known as I Got Married With A Weird Wife.
Shin Sung Rok - Kim Shin Young will be based on a Meeting of the 20s Idol Stars concept with their pairing reminding one of the Park Kyung Lim and Jo In Sung pairing in the popular sitcom of the past Nonstop Season 2.
The production team for We Got Married expressed that, starting with the New Year Special, they will aim for more interesting, varied concepts for existing and future couples on the show. This is probably their approach for Season 2.
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- Mood:normal
- Music:50 Cent
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